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My entry below was made almost a year ago after our family had barely any energy left.

The photo here is of a beach creation I made, below with the shells. But the heart on top is my brother in laws ashes.

Our little family of 4, my hubby's dad, Spencer's friends & our loved ones have been struggling from the day he was hit by a drunk driver on August 24, 2019.

My lil business has been put on the back burner, for obvious reasons. But that's not all.

There is soooooo much more that families go through while TRYING to grieve, then also HAVING to provide for their family.

Our system, as we have witnessed since 2019, is severely flawed.

So with that, I digress to say. In light of ridiculously tough situations, I create beautiful mementos for people. Because, in doing that, I help others & myself heal, love deeply, connect to something greater then myself.

I am wonderfully appreciative to my hubby for his healing. He's lucky enough to have built a family within his work life. I was not so lucky in my past work life, & I realize now why it's ok. My hubby, Brandon, always appreciated his home life & work life evenly. He doesn't prioritize one over the other. I, at one point, believed work was priority. & I broke, mentally & physically for it. I won't do that again.

Because, not only has our Spencer's loss taught me how quickly events in life can turn, but I've learned how replaceable we are in our jobs. Yes, some customers or clients will say "there was no one quite like 'Jess'...". But the truth is... I'm still breathing. I could have continued to stay in my job as a rec programmer & RUN, miss birthday's, miss weddings or other gatherings (that some of us took for granted). Not anymore.

I healed from burnout in August 2019. JUST before Spencer passed away. Our home life, Meeyamor was JUST about to get good. That took 3 years of HARD work & a lot of tears to heal & work through my mental & emotional stresses.

When Spencer died, adrenaline kicked in & I had to RUN again. (Brandon & I have had many talks about how we are able to talk so "simply", as if it was a movie, of his brother dying. It's a hard thing to grasp at times while in the moment. I'm taking a minute to breath for u Spence.)

As I was saying, after Spencer died, I had to run, but I wasn't ready to run. I was still at the turning point. I was at the walking steadily down the path point.

What I'm saying is... live for your beauty, appreciate every single breath you take, & if it takes someone a while to do anything (ahem, like update their website with current material) approach them with some understanding & loving kindness.

I create resin pieces b/c it called to me. It's not to make an abundant fortune (that will be done at a less stressful time with a different medium:) The amount I charge for my work has been earned through training by watching Flora+Lee's videos & others who are using their practice as a practicum) spending like $4000+ on material & practice, $4000+ on equipment, & over $2000 on marketing, strategizing, & promotional materials. Maybe more! If I truly think about it.

So when you pay for a piece from me, you're paying for more HEART in a decor piece then just a random piece of artwork from a big box store.

I'll end by saying this:

It's nice to be at the walking point again. Life will never be the same in our small world because Brandon lost his very loved brother & our girls lost their ridiculously loved uncle. I have not been able to grieve yet, b/c I've been in advocacy & self preservation mode for his accident & other red flags that have come up in my world. Writing this, knowing I was capable of healing, have major trauma that my 8 year old even stated to me, "mom, did you know not everyone has their uncle hit by a truck & die", which was so hard to hear, but so raw & real & TRUE! Through that continuing to create beautiful work, while knowing my limits & stepping back has been enlightening. & it's the hardest & best part of life.